Don’t do what you like

Hello growth seekers,

In this special bonus edition, we delve into an insightful excerpt from the "Energy Chapter" of our book "RISE." Prepare to challenge conventional wisdom as we explore the provocative notion that pursuing what you genuinely like in life may not always align with your best interests. In a world where the pursuit of personal happiness often takes center stage, we'll attempt to unravel the complexities of unconscious forecasting errors and the biases that influence our choices.

Enjoy the read!

📚

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking of it.

There is a fundamental issue with doing what we like, and it is called forecasting error. Before we start doing what we like, we must have made a conscious or unconscious prediction about what we think we like. Most of the time, this will be based on some sort of expected pleasure, enjoyment, and happiness. This forecast is done by our remembering self, which, like the mind tricks we saw at the beginning of this book, is heavily biased by what is called the focusing illusion, a great source of miswanting. This illusion neglects the role time plays in future well-being and exaggerates the effects of choices and circumstances over time. What happens is that the appreciated value of these experiences diminishes over time, but the remembering self, who makes the choices for the experiencing self who does the living, tells stories to the unconscious mind that trigger choices that do not properly factor in time.

Like in bedtime stories the moments that matter are the beginning, the peak or climax, and the end. Duration doesn’t really matter as we have seen with Violetta.

Therefore, it is so dangerous to correctly predict not only what we liked so far, but what we will keep liking in the future and the consequences of this prediction over time. What are our choices then, if doing what we (think we) like is prone to significant biases?

Doing what we are good at is a good start.

Being good at something requires a combination of the following attitudes:

🧠 A desire to learn and be better

🛠 A continued practice

📝A feedback loop from peers and self-evaluation to assess how good we are versus others.

🎁 Let’s unpack it

🧠 The desire to learn and be better requires regular explorations of new fields and disciplines, enabling the mind to stay open to novelty and fostering a growth spirit that nurtures lifelong learning. As with all explorations, our attitude will be risk-averse, partly because of the loss-avoidance biases we all have, and partly because of fears that make us feel safer in our comfort zone. To courageously and safely embark on new exploration, it is necessary to have strong secure bases. As per Kohlrieser's definition, “a secure base is a person, place, goal or object that provides a sense of protection, comfort and offers a source of inspiration to explore, take risk and seek change”. We will talk more about secure base leadership in the last chapter.

🛠 The continued practice puts the compounding effects of time to the benefit of becoming better at something. It also creates a happiness loop to continuously experience how that practice makes us feel here and now, so we don’t have to rely on how we remember it or think it will be.

📝 The self-evaluation and peer evaluation of how good we are takes shape through implicit and explicit terms. Explicit terms can be things like verbal feedback, returning customers, and increased engagement. Implicit terms encompass the joy we take in the act of doing the practice, and the ability to perceive it as play when others would call it work.

📌 The act of forecasting is an act of projecting ourselves in the future, in a far distant place from the here and now. The forecast is operated by our remembering self neglects time duration in its judgment and overestimates beginning, peak, and end moments. To make unbiased decisions we need to come back to the here and now where our experiencing self does the living and remain open to exploration and examination of our behaviors and the effects they have on our well-being and life satisfaction.

Practical tools

🔔 Here are some additional frameworks and resources that you can implement on your own or learn more from through the web or our leadership outdoor programs:

Mindful Decision-Making Practice: Consider incorporating mindfulness into your decision-making process. This involves being fully present in the moment and consciously considering how a decision aligns with your long-term goals. Mindfulness techniques and exercises can be drawn from books like "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Keep a Decision Journal: Maintain a journal where you document your decisions, the reasons behind them, and your expectations. You can then revisit these entries over time to reflect on how well your predictions matched your actual experiences. This journaling practice aligns with the concept of reflective thinking discussed in "Thinking, Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman.

Secure Base Development: As per "Hostage at the Table" Kohlrieser's definition, “a secure base is a person, place, goal or object that provides a sense of protection, comfort and offers a source of inspiration to explore, take the risk and seek change”. grab a pen and paper, and let's write a list of 10 people who have had a strong positive influence on your personal growth. These individuals may have walked alongside you for a significant part of your journey or simply made a brief but meaningful appearance in your life. Reflect on the specific behaviors they offer. Did they offer words of wisdom? Did they perform acts of kindness? Did they share valuable insights or values that resonated with you? Jot down three to five behaviors or values for each person. Look for common traits, shared behaviors, or values that serve as a common thread throughout. This, my friend, is the treasure map of your most important life secure bases: the foundation upon which your future secure bases might be built.

Happiness Tracking: Keep a happiness diary, and record your daily experiences and emotions related to your decisions. This practice, inspired by positive psychology literature like "The How of Happiness" by Sonja Lyubomirsky, helps individuals become more aware of how their choices impact their well-being over time.

Peer Feedback Networks: establish peer feedback networks where you can seek honest input from friends or colleagues about your strengths and areas for improvement in your chosen endeavors. This practice aligns with the concept of self-evaluation and peer evaluation mentioned in the text.

Strengths Assessment: Identify your core strengths and skills and engage in activities that align with these strengths, as discussed in positive psychology literature, including "StrengthsFinder 2.0" by Tom Rath.

Community Spotlight

In my early youth, I held the belief that pursuing what I liked was the surefire path to happiness. Given my deep passion for programming, I wholeheartedly immersed myself in the realm of computer science during my university years. Those five years were a treasure trove of cherished memories, meaningful encounters, and rewarding ventures. I even ventured into the software domain, creating, and successfully selling inventory management software. Additionally, along with three close friends, I authored our first book on CRM architecture. Yet, as I approached the culmination of my academic journey, I found myself at a crossroads, unsure of my next steps. When I looked around, my peers seemed to possess a mastery of their craft that dwarfed my own abilities. Whether it was their astonishing efficiency or their ability to tackle challenges that I deemed arduous with the ease of play, I couldn't help but feel outmatched by the world awaiting me. What was happening was that my love for coding was fading. In the beginning, it gave me tons of endorphins as I was challenging myself into unchartered waters, but over time the happiness I experienced from it diminished. I discovered I hated spending time debugging code or fixing the compiler’s problems. I just liked designing the software architecture, because at that moment you engage with your clients on business requirements.

At the same time, I also observed that many of my university peers lacked robust communication skills. They were part of the "good nerd-type" group to which I proudly belonged for many years, but few possessed strong business acumen or financial literacy. It wasn't a solitary experience; my three friends who collaborated with me on our joint book shared similar sentiments. Each of us harbored a unique talent that came naturally to us but appeared as laborious tasks to others.

For all of us, it took several years of collecting diverse life experiences, seemingly unrelated dots, before we discovered a true calling that resonated deeply. Personally, shortly after graduating, I embarked on a sabbatical journey to Asia, dedicating six months to building a fair-trade business for a local NGO in Nepal. Meanwhile, my friends ventured into consulting or banking, while a few continued as programmers.

Then, one fateful morning at breakfast, my wife stumbled upon a job posting online that seemed tailor-made for what I was good at: an international corporate company sought someone with strong data analysis skills, but equally valued strong communication skills and business acumen. This opportunity marked the beginning of my career as a business analyst at HP. I would have never applied to the job if I thought of myself as a programmer, and the same can apply to my friends who embarked on consulting or finance, according to their unique talents.

Resources

Cultivate your personal growth journey with these valuable resources, to inspire, educate, and empower you on your path to success and fulfillment.

📖 “Hostage at the Table” by George Kohlrieser

📖 “The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh

📝  "StrengthsFinder 2.0" by Tom Rath.

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